When I started this blog about our IVF journey, I promised myself I would never be embarrassed, ashamed or scared to share our updates. I always wanted to be transparent even if it was going to be hard. I don’t know if people read this but writing this blog helps me. It helps me cope, it helps me vent. It’s also something I hope to look back on one day and it will remind me how strong I was, how strong I am.
IVF is still sometimes a taboo topic and I bet you know someone who has gone through this same journey but you never knew. With IVF, the highs are really high and the lows are really low. I read another blog the other day and it said for some women, it takes under 2 minutes to get pregnant (get it 😉 )
Unfortunately, round 2 did not work. Our 3 embryos were just not strong enough to transfer after testing. Horribly, this all common. They seemed to be a little stronger than before, but still not there. Again, we are thankful for this testing because without it, the other side of it would be much more devastating. Where do we go from here?
Craig and I both went in last week for some additional testing and blood work to try and figure out our next plan. We will not know anything for a few weeks and we will have a follow-up with our doctor the first week of March. It could be something, it could be nothing. We just have to wait. Craig told the nurse if she is testing for Brad Pitt’s DNA, then it will come back positive+. This was the first time Craig was allowed to go into the room with me…
When we got the call from the nurse, I could tell in her voice right away it wasn’t the results we were hoping for. They always first ask “how are you doing” and I follow-up with “good, how are you”? “Unfortunately, I don’t have good news for you today.” That’s how it goes. Pretty simple.
After we got off the phone, we just laid in bed, my head was on Craig’s chest and we laid quiet for about 5 minutes before either of us said anything. The first thing Craig asked me was if I wanted to do this again? He knows how hard it is on my body. There’s never been a doubt in my mind that I/we would do this until we had our baby, but in that moment, he said exactly what I needed to hear.
The additional testing results take a few weeks to come back so in the meantime, my body is getting some much needed rest. I’m not going to lie, it’s been kind of nice giving my body a little break. I needed it – mentally, physically, emotionally.
We are able to keep this journey going through our grant, Samantha’s Gift of Hope. I thank God every night for the Kaulig family. Without them, none of this would even be possible.
I never thought we would be at this point in our journey. But in a weird way, I am at peace. I truly believe God knew we needed help and he sent us all of this love & support through our family, friends, doctors and Samantha’s Gift of Hope.
We had Chinese for dinner tonight and this was in our fortune cookie…
Oh Abb. Your writing is articulate, soulful and if journaling your thoughts and experiences help you – do it. You are incredibly insightful, strong and authentic. Following your journey is very real. Prayers to you and Craig.
Thank you so much! It helps to write all these feelings down for me. It puts me at peace.